The courage to write about adoption

Last week, the Motherlode blog from the New York Times ran an article by Anita Tedaldi about her tearful realization that she and her adopted son were not attaching well, and her decision to have him placed in a new family.

As you can guess, the comments this article is getting range from empathetic and reassuring to outright rage and the vilification of Anita. In the midst of the sinner vs. saint debate, many readers simply commended her on her courage for telling her story.

Opening up about adoption publicly can be incredibly vulnerable, especially where we have the residue of shame, guilt, and anger. Self-judgment gives way to a fear of getting that judgment from readers. When I started my previous (now dead) blog, I eventually worked up the courage to write a post "outing" myself as a birth mother. I panicked silently for awhile and then changed my privacy settings so that only 6 people had access to the blog -- the 6 people who had already commented to me on that particular post. I mean, what if a potential employer saw this private, emotional part of me? Would it strain my relationship with my family who may not know how I really feel about this? etc. Finally with a little coaxing and encouragement I began to write about my experience more publicly. And you know what? No one has verbally flogged me. Instead, people have come out of the woodwork, some curious and some grateful for one more voice speaking with honesty about the adoption experience.

When I read about the experiences of people like Anita -- honest, raw, and rooted in the genuine desire to do the right thing for herself and all of her children, it gives my courage a little boost and I feel a deep gratitude for the opportunity we all have to connect in this way. I find that as I get more courageous about sharing my story, I open up the channels to connect with other like-minded people. Relationships are stronger when they are based on openness and truth.
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